After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
