hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
