we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
