i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
