Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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