i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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