I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
