New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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