I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
