I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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