Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
