I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
