brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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