Having a random hookup so left but love u
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
