i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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