i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
