Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
