; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
