I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
