guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
