I'm so fucking centered right now
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
