You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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