He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
