Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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