Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
