I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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