when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
