i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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