I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just had sex on a roof
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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