You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
