I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
