She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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