we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
