Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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