you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
