there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
