if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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