How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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