You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
