I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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