if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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