I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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