Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
