You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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