My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
