i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
