I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
