got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
