Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
