why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
