The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
should my penis look like a turkey
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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